apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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