this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
