Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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