im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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