I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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