____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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