the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
