dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
