New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
