he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
