take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just gift wrapped bread.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
