Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
