how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize