I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
