Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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