OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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