on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He has the fingertips of a God
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