They should really pass out barf bags in church
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
