...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
