Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
