Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
