we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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