thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
