Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
