Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize