Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
