Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
