I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
