I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
