I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
