You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
