Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
plz talk dirty to me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
