Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We got so high we made milksteak
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
