I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
