if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
