I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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