If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
