South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Drunk is not a location!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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