I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
