I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
40s are totally the cure
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
