i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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