It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
