remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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