bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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