Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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