I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
