I heard we made out
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Im part way to drunk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
