he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
