I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
