Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
