My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
