but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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