dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
