Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
