god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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