i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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