my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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