Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
