Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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