I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
