I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
