I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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