gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
this is an emotional support booty call
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
