New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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