She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
