I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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